Tonight I cleaned out my purse, and I found a poem written on May 25th of this year. I was saving it to type up later. I scribbled it down quickly on a small notepad while I was waiting for news on my partner who was in the emergency room at the time. None of us knew what was wrong with her, but I honestly believed it was a heart attack or some kind of serious heart problem.
I don't think I've ever felt fear like that before. I've lost a lot in this life, as most of us have. But in that moment I thought I might lose the one person who has seen me at my best and worst and yet has never given up on me.
When I typed this up today, I got really emotional and cried some much needed tears. Grateful tears, because I have a deeper and more wonderful love than I could ever have imagined. This relationship is exactly what I always wanted, and I think very few people really get that in this life. You have to love that deeply to hurt as deeply as I did that night.
I'm going to let you read the poem now and then I'll continue what I've got to say below that. This is for you, Lisa. I hope you love it--and I hope the rest of you do too. :)
* * *
Dedicated with love to Lisa
You never know how close you are to the gates
until you feel the breath slip from you.
Like letting go of that pretty balloon,
it's up, past the clouds, and gone far too soon.
I felt that thread lengthen and thin today
as you gasped for air and screamed for life.
I can't lose you now--not now that I've
finally realized that you are my heartbeat.
The center of my life
behind sterile doors,
wrapped in a paper gown
and teetering dangerously close
to a place that I can't fathom.
Did you look in her eyes
when she fell in love with me?
Did you feel that heart pumping
when she fought for me?
I will it to continue beating.
Keep the rhythm strong
and the music sweet.
Let the one I love continue to breathe.
God, I need her here with me.
Thanks From Kelley